Bucket List Reflections: The First Date, Part 1

Since I hit 40 a couple years ago, I've found that I really enjoy looking back on the first half of my life. Like many, I often wish I could write a letter to my 15 y.o. self and share with the teenage version of me all the things I've learned in my 43 years on earth. On the other hand, I sometimes think that would take away from the authenticity of our journey through this world. Mistakes have proved to be just as valuable - if not more so - than successes, and for that reason I can honestly say there isn't much I would change even if I could. 

This is the first entry in what I'm calling "Bucket List Reflections". Essentially it's the process of looking back on my life and examining an experience - positive or negative - that not only shaped who I am today, but in many cases also resulted in a lasting memory to cherish going forward. I created a short list of events that I felt might pique interest, and one in particular that I'd like to share with you first. 

Depending on how successfully I'm able to re-create this for you in words, some of you may wonder if I'm embellishing the story in any way. I promise you I will not do that. What follows really DID happen. The only parts that will not be accurate are the names that have been changed to protect the innocent :) While the other person I'll be discussing is presently, and always will be, my friend, she is very happily married with a beautiful family, and the last thing I would want to do is embarrass her. With that being said, I present to you, "The First Date, Part 1". 

So like many of you, I've had some pretty memorable first dates in my lifetime. From the Summer of 1981 when my friend next door invited me to go with her and her mom to see "Superman II", to the time in 1990 when I told my blind date I was going to use the restroom at the dance club and then just left, I've kept it interesting to say the least. (And before you guys give me a hard time about that second part, YES I know it was wrong and YES I'm ashamed at myself for doing that! lol) In April of 2000, I was 27 y.o. and had just purchased my first computer. I had just completed my first degree the year prior, and now I was nearing the half-way point of the professional phase of my BSN (RN) program. AOL dial-up was the most popular internet service provider at the time, and like many, I was really enjoying chatting online and exploring the internet in between classes and work. 

One night as I sat at the computer at my home in Lawrenceville, Georgia, an instant message chat box popped up. The screen name was "RN" followed by the name of a college team's mascot that shall remain nameless. It wasn't a name I recognized, so naturally I inquired as to who this person was. She told me her name (let's refer to her as "Ro" for the purposes of the story) and that she saw on my profile I was attending Emory University and pursuing a career as an RN. She, too, was an RN and had recently moved to the metro-Atlanta area, and she and her friend were online chatting with other locals. Seemed innocent enough, right? 

(Now this next part is where I think some of you may wonder if I'm embellishing or pulling your leg...I'm not, I promise)

As I chatted with Ro online over the next half hour or so, we came to the realization that we had some things in common. Certainly the fact that we were both RNs was really cool in and of itself, but we also discovered that we were very close in age. I recall mentioning to her that I would be turning 28 the following month, to which she pointed out that her birthday was also coming up next month. Although I've never put much stock in Astrology personally, I've always embraced my status as a "Gemini" for entertainment purposes...and maybe once or twice when it helped get me out of trouble. (Many of the generally accepted Gemini qualities match up quite well with my own personality, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't glance at a horoscope from time to time!) When Ro stated she was a Gemini, as well, I remember finding that very interesting since it meant her birthday was toward the end of May just like mine. In fact, her birthday WAS the same as mine. Hmmmm....that's when I started getting a bit suspicious. 

I distinctly recall seeing red flags popping up, and the very first thought after that was, "okay, someone just made an AOL account and is totally messing with me...very funny!"  Just then I heard a mysterious "popping noise", and out of thin air a mini-version of my Statistics professor from college, Dr Sokaloff, appeared on my right shoulder (figuratively, of course) telling me that if I don't call BS on this soon, then he will! "Okay, Ro...you got me. Good joke. Come on...is that YOU, Colleen?" "No, really!", she said. "Do you want to see a picture?"  Naturally I did, and a couple minutes later a cropped scan of what she said was her driver's license photo arrived in my AOL inbox. Super cute girl, but no idea who it was. So I said to her, "Look, I know this is very forward of me to ask, and if you aren't comfortable doing it I will absolutely understand...but could we talk on the phone for a few minutes?"  Her (apparent) picture being of no help at all, I figured the only way I could get to the bottom of this would be to actually speak with this person and hear her voice. I offered up my digits and, sure enough, the phone rang a couple minutes later. 

I don't remember how long we spoke on the phone, but it was probably around two hours from start to finish. At the end of those two hours, and as I hung up the phone, I found myself steeped in surrealism to a degree I had never experienced prior and have not experienced since. Here's why: 

Ro: Recently moved to Atlanta and an RN.

Me: Recently moved to Atlanta and in process of becoming an RN. 

Ro: Born on May 2x, Gemini. 

Me: Born on May 2x, Gemini. 

Ro: Real name means "Queen" in native language. 

Me: Full first name, Alan, means "leader" or "King" in another language. 

Ro: German heritage. 

Me: German heritage. 

Ro: Roman Catholic.

Me: Roman Catholic.

Ro: Was living on "Mill Bridge".

Me: Was living on "Mill Ridge". 

And this is not even the full list, because there were at least a few more on top of those that I just can't remember. Needless to say, after that conversation the only person with a more ridiculously perplexed look on his face than me was Dr Sockloff! Not even the good doctor could figure the odds on this perfect storm of commonality engulfing Ro and myself. 

(To Be Continued in The First Date, pt 2!!)

"Are you a Pothead, Focker?"

Hello! For my first blog post, I thought I'd share some general background on who I am. First, the whole "Focker" thing explained...

Back in the year 2000, a film hit theaters called "Meet the Parents". The lead role, played by Ben Stiller, was that of a male nurse who...well...took a lot of grief. Some of it was well-deserved, some of it was not. But the grief he incurred by being a man in the female-dominated profession of nursing was what I identified with most. One of the gags of the film was his name - Gaylord "Greg" Focker.

So why would I identify with this exactly? Well, in early 1996 I was coming off a very painful breakup with a girl I was engaged to marry. I moved to Philly, PA and decided it was about time I got my act together. I was 23 years old and had basically spent the time since high school graduation figuring out who I was and where I fit in in this crazy world. Upon moving to Philly I enrolled at Temple University and began coursework in "pre-med". (For those who don't know, pre-med isn't really anything...it's just a term means you're taking prerequisite courses that likely are what would be required by medical school and, well, it just sounds sort of cool.) I'll probably blog often about my time in Philadelphia, as this was one of the most profound and formative stretches of time in my life.

So the whole pre-med thing led me to a major in Psychology, but I'll talk about that some other time. I graduated summa cum laude in 1999 and decided to move to Atlanta. Why Atlanta? Well, after much soul searching and research (many thanks to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics for the most excellent information on career data and outlooks...please note: even if I blog for the next 50 years, this may be the one and only time I say something positive about the government! lol), I made the decision to get my BSN degree - Bachelor of Science in Nursing.  Emory University - the "Harvard of the South" - was kind enough to throw some scholarship money my way, and when I found out I had unknowingly taken every single prerequisite to enter into the professional phase of the BSN program and finish it in only two years, it seemed like a no-brainer...

...but then it hit me..."wait, you know that this is NURSING, right?"

I don't know if you are the sort of person who believes that things happen in life for a reason, but I am absolutely. I just happened to have a heterosexual, older male cousin who had been an RN for years at the time I was making this decision. By the way, if you're actually still reading this, would you mind just typing "YES!" in capital letters in the comments section? Not only would it be funny having people wonder what is wrong with those who are commenting that they are all typing the same thing, it will let me know that at least one other person is still with me lol. Anyway, so I had arranged a few conversations with my distant cousin, who I really have to credit for helping me through some of those pesky "ego issues" that came along with this whole male nurse thing. I'm sure I'll probably speak more on that in future blog posts, as well.

By the time Meet the Parents had hit theaters, it was the summer in between my two years of nursing school at Emory. The night I saw the movie, I had been talking with a girl online who was (according to her) a model and I thought that might be a great film to see since the previews were funny and lighthearted. Okay, another side note here: one of my next few blog posts will be about why I COMPLETELY disagree with those who say going to the movies is not a good idea for a first date. If you're one of those people, I think I might be able to give you something to think about! So my new online friend the model and I go to the movie, and as we're both enjoying the film and laughing, all of a sudden the 2-minute scene that would absolutely HORRIFY me came on:




Okay, WHAT the...I began to well-up with insecurity and panic. Had I already told this girl I was in school for nursing? What sort of lie could I come up with over the next 90 minutes to get me out of this if I HAD told her? OMG, I chose this as my CAREER! I was just overwhelmed with fear and anxiety, as the life choices I'd made over the last two years and right up to that very minute as I was sitting in the theater came crashing crashing down on me. After all, I'm one of those people who believes things happen for a reason, remember? So the movie ended, and I nervously asked her what she thought. She looked at me with an indifferent expression and said, "yeah, it was ok". Somewhat relieved, I took her for a beer and wings, and by the second round I had pretty much put the absolute shock of that scene out of my mind.

So if you're still with me, I'm sure you're probably thinking, "look Focker...not only do I not get this whole pothead reference in the subject, but you've done everything BUT explain why you have chosen to torture yourself with this name to begin with". So here it is...the moral of the story: I eventually found that all of my ego issues, and especially this scene from the movie, were stepping stones. As I stumbled over each one along the way, I had to either work through it or let it knock me off my path. I chose the former, and by the time I graduated with my BSN, passed my boards, and accepted my first position as an RN at one of Atlanta's largest and busiest hospitals, I was in a good place. In fact, I was in a great place. Because I realized that with the exception of a few buds who enjoy ribbing me from time to time (which is great, by the way), the vast majority of people think the fact that I'm an RN is great. Every so often I even have someone tell me "thank you" for what I do. And it hit me...I'm not embarrassed or insecure anymore at all...not even a little. I am proud...I am happy...I am....FOCKER!

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Wow, there it is...my very first blog post! I saw that this Blogger site had statistics. I wonder if there's one for how many people start reading your post but then click it off by the mid-way point? lol  If you're still reading and you took a few minutes (hours?) out of your day to spend with me here, thank you so much. It really means a lot to me!

Oh, and about that whole "pothead" thing...here you go :)

**"Meet the Parents" was produced by Universal Pictures, Dreamworld SKG, and Nancy Tenenbaum Films. The preceding clips are THEIR property, and not my own.